White Rabbit
by Ritter
Summary: Obsessed with Alice in Wonderland, and craving danger and excitement, White Rabbit used her wealth to become the self proclaimed queen of crime.  Constantly defeated by Spider-Man and a host of lower tier heroes, she is determined to turn her luck around!
1. If you don't know where you're going

**White Rabbit #1**

"**If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there."**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Undisclosed Location<strong>_

"This is insane."

"Quite so."

Charles Liddell held up a sheet of blueprint paper, decorated with a crudely drawn cartoon submarine that someone had scrawled onto the document. Standing atop the submarine was a grinning stick figure, adorned with bunny ears and a fluffy tail, holding its arms skyward in a triumphant pose.

"I'm serious," insisted Charles, "this is crazy! You want me to build a rabbit shaped submarine that fires torpedoes made to look like carrots?"

The Tinkerer spun around in his chair to face Charles. He was surrounded by soldering irons, wiring, microchips, and battery cells. Several other bits and pieces of machinery were strewn about, as he had been hard at work on a pair of energy gauntlets.

"_I_ don't want you to build anything. Our client does, and she has provided us with the necessary funds to complete the project. She's purchased several items from us in the past. Hell, she's one of our highest paying accounts, she's constantly coming up with new ideas, and isn't afraid to spend lots of money on extravagant weaponry."

Charles laid out the blueprints and shook his head. He fired up the company computer, accessing the account. He quickly scanned the list of most recent orders.

"Let's see, in the last year we've constructed an umbrella that sprays knock-out gas, furry jet boots, a bunnymobile, two shoulder mounted rocket launchers with carrot shaped missiles, a blue and pink bunny-themed pirate ship with Easter egg-shaped cannonballs, bunny slippers made with a material that doesn't cause static electricity when you walk on carpet, and you say this is legit?"

"It's no prank, I assure you. She always pays up front, usually throws in some extra as a tip."

Charles still wasn't convinced. "I've got to meet this person. If nothing else, I have a few questions and suggestions about the schematics."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Well, she's a little mental. The way I hear it, she's completely mad."

Charles's eyes widened and his jaw dropped in mock shock. "No way! I don't believe it!"

"Have it your way. If you really want to meet her, be ready for a trip down the rabbit hole."

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Bronx, New York<strong>_

Charles arrived at the location that the Tinkerer scribbled on a napkin for him. His handwriting was hard to read, but Charles had learned to decipher it while he had worked for the man.

"Maybe this wasn't the best idea I've ever had."

Charles entered the junkyard and looked around. There it was, a lone refrigerator standing apart from the rest of the assorted junk, just as the directions stated.

"I bet this is some kind of rib. Yeah, that's it, gotta be a joke, some kind of initiation or hazing for the new guy."

As he walked up to the refrigerator, he considered just turning around right then and there. Part of him thought this was all a prank, but another part of him was, well, curious. What if?

Charles knocked on the refrigerator in the pattern described on the napkin. _A secret knock_, he thought to himself, _as if we're schoolchildren or something_. A few seconds later, the refrigerator slid backward along a pair of tracks, revealing a large hole underneath.

"Well, what do you know, just like Tinkerer said."

Charles attempted to peer down the hole, but it was too dark.

"Of course, this could still all be a big gag. Maybe everyone is waiting for me at the bottom so they can laugh at how stupid I was to fall for this. Maybe the bottom of the hole is full of spikes and this is how they dispose of people they don't need anymore. Maybe."

As Charles was contemplating what could possibly be at the bottom of the hole, he lost his footing. His arms flailed in the air as he tried to regain balance, but it was all for naught. Off kilter, he fell forward and tumbled headfirst down the hole.

His stomach dropped, as he screamed, his life flashing before his eyes. Charles felt his throat tighten as his breakfast did backflips in the pit of his stomach. He knew for sure he would crash, broken, at the bottom of this pit and nobody would ever find his body. This had turned out to be a bad idea, he should've just worked on the project without question, but Charles was curious by nature and couldn't resist the allure of mystery surrounding this unidentified client. He stopped screaming as he realized he was still falling, even after all this time.

Falling slowly.

"What the...? Air jets slowing my decent! I might not die after aaaaaah!"

Charles landed with a thud as he came to the end of his journey. The pit had slanted at the end and dumped him, unceremoniously, on a tile floor in a large room. Heaped on the floor, he could see several bookshelves lining the walls. There were loads of knickknacks arranged all over the room, many of them looked like props from a play, or maybe a movie. On the far side of the room sat a throne.

Sitting there was a woman, reclining in the throne with her feet propped up on a Cheshire Cat footstool. She was strawberry blond and clad in an outfit consisting of rabbit ears, furry boots, white face paint, and a blue tailcoat.

She smiled when Charles crashed on the floor, not at all shaken by the intrusion.

"Oh joy, an unexpected guest! Welcome, welcome! Welcome to the Rabbit Hole, might I introduce myself, I am the marvelously malicious mistress of mayhem, the White Rabbit."

The White Rabbit leapt from her seat and landed a few feet from Charles. She theatrically bowed, and then pointed her umbrella tip at him. A large razor sharp spike extended from the tip, coming to rest less than an inch away from his forehead. His heart stopped as he faced down death for the second time in as many minutes. She skeptically looked him over, keeping the blade pointed at his face.

"And who might you be?"

Charles was taken aback by the whole scene, and didn't know how to react. "Wait, what?"

"I require that you identify yourself, and you would do well to answer me with haste, before I decide sentence first and trial later."

"Well, my name is Charles Liddell. You see, I was a junior member of AIM for a short time and had recently been working as an intern for the Tinkerer. I just had a question about-"

"Yes!" she exclaimed, as she hooked the umbrella to her wrist and then franticly clapped her hands.

Charles was completely confused. "Yes? Yes what?"

"Yes, an intern is a wonderful idea! Why had I not thought of it before? I do believe you would make an exquisite intern, Mr. Liddell. Welcome to the team."

"But I didn't want-"

"You can begin in the morrow. Whatever you do, don't be late. If there is one thing I will not tolerate, it is someone who is not punctual. You can see yourself out."

Charles attempted to explain the huge miscommunication, but White Rabbit had already skipped away into the recesses of the Rabbit Hole, happily humming a tune as she went.

"What an odd girl. Now, how in the world am I supposed to show myself out?"

Charles turned and observed several signs on the wall, all in the shape of arrows, labeled with different destinations.

"Of course. What was I thinking."

He carefully inspected the signs, all of which said things like "wrong way", "that way", "this way", "tea party".

"This is impossible, these signs don't mean anything. Unless..."

Charles took note of the only sign that was labeled "up" even though it pointed left. He thought that it didn't make any sense, except for the fact that it made perfect sense when you considered that directly to the left of the sign that said "up", was a hole in the wall, similar to the one he had fallen out of when he arrived.

He stuck his head inside the hole and looked around, trying to find a ladder, a rope, footholds, or anything of that nature. Seeing that it was a smooth tunnel leading upwards, he assumed it was a second entrance like the one he had fallen out of. "Ah, I'm not Spider-Man, I can't just crawl my way up the wall. There must be a different way out of here." As Charles was about to exit the hole, a powerful current of air swept him upwards.

"Oh shiiii-"

Up in the junkyard, the door to a washing machine swung open, and Charles was forcefully ejected back into the Bronx. He stood up and brushed away the dirt from his clothes.

"That did _not_ just happen, did it?"

* * *

><p><strong>The Rabbit Hole<strong>

**The Next Day aka The Morrow**

White Rabbit stood on her tippy toes, trying to look over Charles's shoulder. His back was turned to her, as he was hunched over a large wooden table, hard at work.

"I wanna see!" whined White Rabbit.

"Hey, come on, give me some space!" said Charles, as White Rabbit held his shoulders, craning her neck to see. "This is delicate work I'm doing here!" Charles was at a critical stage wiring the circuitry together on his current project, and White Rabbit was providing an unwelcome distraction. Why in the world had he agreed to come back? Was it a morbid curiosity to find out if there was a method to her madness? Was he afraid she would come looking for him if he didn't report to work? Or was he just intrigued by the challenge of meeting her insane demands? Once again, his curious nature got the best of him.

"What exactly are you working on again?"

Charles sighed and removed the goggles from his eyes. He pointed to three spherically shaped objects on the table. Each was no larger than a tennis ball.

"These are the video cameras I developed for your next caper. Since you wanted to break into this museum that's holding an exhibit with old watches, I'm going to send these bad boys in tonight to scout the place out first."

Charles lowered his goggles back over his eyes, snapped a few last components into place, then reached over to his computer keyboard. After typing in a few commands, the globular cameras vibrated and rose off the table, hovering into the air. Three files were open on the computer screen, each showing a view from the different cameras.

Unfortunately, one was inadvertently pointed directly at White Rabbit's cleavage. Charles hastily typed in a few commands to move the camera, but White Rabbit didn't seem to notice, she was mesmerized by the floating spheres.

"Amazing."

White Rabbit swung her umbrella at the cameras, but they moved away before being struck. She smiled and then started swinging the umbrella more rapidly, attempting to swat the cameras out of the air. They reacted too quickly, always just a few inches out of her reach. She thrust her umbrella with a forward motion, like a sword, sending the cameras fleeing in different direction.

White Rabbit's smile grew wider as the cameras all returned to their original positions, and focused in on her. "Remarkable! Good show!"

"Hey careful! It took a lot of time and money to put those things together, don't go breaking them before I've even gotten the chance to test them!" warned Charles.

"Test them? What do you think I just did, silly? Oh, and don't worry about money. I certainly don't. Furthermore, since you are my intern, all of your time belongs to me. If I wish for you to spend that time rebuilding these cameras, then that is what you shall do."

"Seeing as this is only a two day exhibit, I don't think you want me to spend all that time repairing the cameras. I'm using some active light refraction technology on the outer shell of the cameras, so they'll appear invisible to other visual recording devices, including the security cameras. They're also hard to see with the naked eye when the refraction is active. As you demonstrated, they have impact radars, and will readjust positions without my commands if an impact is imminent."

"What exactly did you build these for?"

"I'm sending them in tonight, these things will be able to get into the ductwork of the museum and out in the main building without a problem. Once I've mapped out the floor plan, and where all the items are located in the exhibit, you can sneak in and snatch the items you want, quickly and easily."

White Rabbit gave Charles a sad look and shook her head. "Oh, dear Charles, something you must know about me: 'sneaking' is not one of my strong points. Waiting is also something that I'm just no good at, I'm afraid."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

* * *

><p><strong>Two Hours Later.<strong>

White Rabbit calmly ascended the expansive stairway outside the main entrance to the historical museum on the East Side. Nobody ran in terror, nobody shouted her name, nobody recognized her even though she was in full costume.

Magneto, Dr. Doom, Carnage, or any of the various Goblin's would have elicited a terrified response from onlookers. White Rabbit was irked that not _one_ person seemed to recognize her! The few people that did give a second look simply assumed she was some sort of costumed entertainer, perhaps on her way to the children's wing of the museum.

"I'll show you, you'll see," muttered White Rabbit, under her breath.

"Can I state, for the record," crackled a voice in White Rabbit's ear, "that I think this is a very bad idea."

"Your opinion has been taken into consideration and promptly discarded," responded White Rabbit, with a twinge of irritation in her voice.

"Have it your way." Charles had outfitted White Rabbit with a Bluetooth headset, a discreet model of his own creation. It fit inside her ear, almost like an earplug, rather than the bulkier headset models available to the general public. The device allowed him to communicate with her from the safety of the Rabbit Hole, and he could pick up sounds within a twenty foot radius.

"It would be easier to help you, if you would tell me what you are trying to accomplish, specifically," offered Charles, his hands typing commands into the keyboard to keep his cameras in front of, behind, and above White Rabbit, covering every angle.

Ignoring Charles, White Rabbit kicked open the front doors of the museum, and sauntered inside with an air of confidence.

"Good evening, everyone! My name is the White Rabbit, and I require you to file out of the building in a calm and orderly manner, while I relieve this exhibit of its most valuable treasure. As long as you abide by my wishes, you have my word that I will not maim anyone. Today."

The stunned group of onlookers stared at White Rabbit and then began to laugh.

White Rabbit growled, and Charles could envision black smoke rising from her head as she stomped her foot on the floor.

"I attempted to be polite, but you leave me no other recourse other than-" a sly smile crept over White Rabbit's lips as she paused for dramatic effect. "-mayhem!"

White Rabbit lifted her umbrella, pointing the tip toward the ceiling. Pressing the button that would normally open the umbrella, a smattering of machine gun fire erupted from the tip instead. A hail of sparks, broken glass, and bits of marble rained down on the patrons.

Now they took her seriously, now they ran in terror! White Rabbit hopped up and down with excitement upon seeing them panic and flee, their screams of fear music to her ears. She twirled her umbrella and pranced down the hallways of the museum, in search of the one treasure she had come to retrieve.

Suddenly, she felt a blunt force slam into her back, as she was knocked to the floor. She started to get up on her hands and knees, when a voice called out to her.

"End of the line, White Rabbit, your crime spree ends here."

She was thrilled that someone had remembered her name! Looking up from her position on the floor, she glimpsed a figure standing over her.

It was a woman, clad in a deep red bodysuit. The woman also wore a red mask that had cat ears and yellow goggles, leaving her face and brunette hair exposed.

"And it ends at the claws of the Crimson Cat!"

* * *

><p><strong>Next Issue<strong>:

_"Well, I'm certainly in a tough spot now, aren't I? Perhaps I should have taken Charles's advice, but where would the **fun** have been in that? Now I have to find a way to escape the "claws of the Crimson Cat". If anyone has a good idea of how I should do that, now would be a good time to speak up, because I have no idea how I'm going to pull this one off! Come back next month to see if I escape, hopefully my adventure won't be over before it's even begun!_


	2. Off With Her Head

**White Rabbit #2**

"**Off with her head!"**

* * *

><p>White Rabbit was prone on the floor after being attacked from behind and knocked off her feet. She caught a glimpse of a pair of deep red boots standing before her. She looked up and saw a young woman who was wearing a red catsuit, with ears and a tail. "I beg your pardon, but.. who are you?"<p>

Crimson Cat stood over the fallen form of her adversary, and frowned. "Excuse me?"

"I said," began the White Rabbit, speaking slower and pausing between each word. "Who.. Are.. You?"

The Crimson Cat chuckled to herself. "Listen bun-bun, I know those huge gaudy rabbit ears of yours are just for show, but I assumed your real ears were in good working order. I told you, I'm the Crimson Cat."

White Rabbit stood up and brushed herself off. "Gaudy? No less so than _your_ costume, I'd say. Make no mistake, I did indeed heed your introduction, but it's embarrassing to admit I have no clue who you are," explained White Rabbit. "I'm flattered that you know who I am, you'll have to forgive me, I'm not accustomed to being the more successful and well-known party when I engage in battle."

Crimson Cat found herself at a loss for how to respond. Had she just been passively aggressively insulted by The White Rabbit? The one and the same White Rabbit that had become the laughing stock of the entire supercommunity over her criminal career?

White Rabbit wiggled her finger at Crimson Cat. "Also, it was quite rude of you to attack me from behind, _before_ announcing yourself!"

"Are you serious? You're the bad guy, that's what I do, I cave in your skull, then drop you off to the police. This isn't your first dance, you know how it works."

"Yes, but while I am the "bad guy" _you_ are the "_good _guy". There are certain unspoken rules for this kind of engagement, a hero etiquette if you will. What kind of hero are you? Do you want to grouped with the likes of The Punisher and Venom, or would you rather be likened to Captain America?"

"Listen, if it bothers you that much, I'll ask you if you'd like to give up bef..."

White Rabbit gripped the tip of her umbrella, swinging it at Crimson Cat's feet. She used the handle as a hook, pulling Crimson Cat off her feet, sending her crashing down on the ground. White Rabbit hopped over her, and scurried off toward the back of the museum.

"Hey!" shouted Crimson Cat, standing up as she prepared to give chase. "What happened to the whole "rules" and "etiquette" thing?"

"My dear Crimson Cat," explained White Rabbit, as she ran up the stairway to the second floor, "I am the _villain_ of this tale. As such, I have a completely different set of rules than you.. With your inadequate understanding of how such things work, it's no wonder I've never heard of you."

Crimson Cat growled, becoming more agitated with each stinging insult. "I'm really going to enjoy bringing you down, you smug little rabbit!"

Upon reaching the top of the staircase, White Rabbit tipped over several potted plants, rolling the tall pots down the stairs, attempting to slow Crimson Cat's accent. The heavy jars presented little obstacle for the Crimson Cat. Her civilian identity, Sara Simmons, was attending ESU on a gymnastics scholarship. Her limber form vaulted over the oncoming obstructions with ease.

Crimson Cat arrived at the second floor, and spotted White Rabbit standing over a glass top display, rubbing her hands together, laughing manically.

_"Who does that?" _thought Crimson Cat. "_It's like I'm up against one of those obnoxious villains from a classic campy TV show._"

White Rabbit used her umbrella to smash open the glass case, then removed the object of her desire. She turned her head as Crimson Cat walked toward her.

"How about you listen to reason this time?" asked Crimson Cat. "The only way out of here is back down the stairs, and to get there you'd have to go through me. Since the lowlights of your criminal career include being brought to justice at the hands of men dressed like giant frogs, a boy monkey, and a pro wrestler in a grizzly suit, I'd say your chances for success aren't looking good right now."

"Ah, so not only have you heard of me, but you are well versed in my many merry misadventures!" squealed White Rabbit, gleefully.

Sara keeps a scrapbook of every news story The Daily Bugle prints about any super villains. It's not exactly the Avengers Files or S.H.E.I.L.D. database, but it's enough for her needs. "Listen, if I were you, I'd just give up already and save myself a lot of pain."

"Ah, but you are _not_ me, and for that I am thankful. I have known the bitterness of defeat and now I wish to taste the exultation of triumph! Eat hot carrots, my fantastically frustrating feline foe!"

White Rabbit targeted Crimson Cat with her umbrella, unleashing a volley of carrot shaped projectiles from the tip. Crimson Cat tumbled and backflipped to avoid being stuck by the oncoming barrage of missiles. Once they struck the wall behind her, they exploded, sending her crashing to the floor as shrapnel and rubble rained down around her. White Rabbit hopped up onto a windowsill on the far side of the room.

"Are you crazy?" asked Crimson Cat, from her position on the floor. "We're two stories up, you're going to break some bones at the very least! It's not worth it, just turn yourself in."

"It's true, rabbits don't land on their feet as cat do. Although, judging from your current situation, I'd say that rumor has been exaggerated to a great extent. Now, I bid you adieu.."

Crimson Cat reached out her hand and screamed as White Rabbit took a step off the windowsill and began to fall. Suddenly, White Rabbit rose up in the air, holding onto a rope ladder.

"With a immaculately timed extraction from my Bunnicopter, I make my escape, triumphant at last!"

Crimson Cat got to her feet and walked over to the window, watching the Bunnicopter disappear into the distance.

"I'll never live this one down. I'm just glad nobody was around to see how badly I was humiliated."

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**The Rabbit Hole**

"This would've been way easier and a lot less messy if it had been done my way." scolded Charles.

"Yes, but where would the excitement, the conflict, the drama have been then? _My way _was more _fun_, and no less effective in the end."

"Effective? You got beaten up, you blew up half a museum, and didn't even get away with any loot!"

"Not true my unpaid iniquitous apprentice! My goals were met this day. I made my escape with this perfectly pilfered pocket watch!"

White Rabbit pulled a watch out of her pocket and swung it in front of Charles's face. "It's it _wonderful_?"

"That's it? You only got one watch?"

"Precisely. This is one of the first known pocket watches, from the 16th century! Still accurate down to the second. Such exquisite craftsmanship, you don't see this kind of thing anymore. "

"Now _that_ is something we can work with! How much do you think someone would pay for that on the black market?"

White Rabbit clutched the watch to her chest and gave Charles a disgusted look. "We're not _selling_ it! I wanted this for my personal collection!"

White Rabbit held the watch out a examined it, grinning ear to ear as her eyes sparkled. Charles rolled his eyes.

"We spent all that money on weapons, transportation, and cameras, risked going to jail or getting killed, for that? Some ancient trinket that isn't even getting us a return on your money?"

White Rabbit became indignant, crossing her arms and scowling at Charles. "I don't care about the money! I've got more money than I'll ever need! It's about adventure, danger, daring-do!"

"There must be easier and more sane ways of ach.."

White Rabbit became distracted by the television, completely abandoning her argument. "Shush, shush! It's the nightly news, turn it up! Turn it up!"

Unsatisfied with the speed at which Charles was executing her commands, She snatched away the remote control and turned the volume as loud as possible.

"This is Kelly Blake with CBS affiliate WXNY channel 7 news, downtown at the historical museum. This afternoon, the scene was pure chaos. Eye witness reports illustrated a scene right out of a nightmare, as a crazed clown attempted to destroy the timekeeping exhibit here today. Thanks to the heroic efforts of local hero, The Crimson Cat, nobody was seriously injured, and all the exhibits survived this terrifying event."

Kelly Blake turned as the camera panned out to show she was standing next to Crimson Cat.

Crimson Cat smiled at the camera. "This was just another walk in the park for me. I'm glad I was able to thwart that maniac before anyone was injured. I'm just sorry that baneful bouncing bunny bandit escaped!"

"Oh great," she said, under her breath. "Now I'm starting to talk like her."

White Rabbit threw the remote control at the TV, breaking it. Charles covered his head as sparks flew from the cracked screen.

"That's it?" she exclaimed, stomping her foot to show just how cross she was. "That's all the publicity I received? A thirty second spot on the local news? They mistakenly identified me as a "clown"? I'm not some crazed harlequin! I'm the White Rabbit, mistress.."

"..of mayhem," finished Charles. "You know it, I know it, who cares about those other guys? Better off this way, if they don't know who you are, they aren't going to come looking for you."

"I _want _people to know who I am! Did you see how that self serving shrew played herself up, and didn't even mention me by name? "Ran me off" my fluffy tail! I escaped after almost blasting her into tiny kitty kibble, this was my shining moment of triumph, and she stole it from me!"

White Rabbit turned to Charles with a franticly desperate expression her face.

"Is there nothing else? They didn't break into national network programming? No story on CNN? Not even a blurb on FOX NEWS? "

Charles was furiously typing commands into the keyboard to his laptop. "None that I can find, and it's not even mentioned on the local news ticker, or Daily Bugle website, let alone the network homepage."

"What are you babbling about?"

"Most people get their news from online sources, instead of newspapers and TV, like they had in the past. I figured it would be here first, but it's not even on the Huffington Post."

"What's that?"

"It's one of the largest and most well known online newspapers."

"A paperless newspaper? What a wonderfully nonsensical contradiction, I think I like it."

"Regardless, there is nothing about your crime posted anywhere, at least not that I can find. It must not have been a big enough news story."

White Rabbit's eyes lit up as a smile crept over her face. "Unless.."

"Unless what?" asked Charles.

"Unless the Daily Bugle didn't break the story yet, because they are planning to run a front page feature, detailing my thrilling battle, last minute escape, and successful theft of this priceless pocket watch! That must be it! I can't wait for the morning edition, where I finally get my due!"

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**The next day.**

Charles ducked as a tea cup sailed past his head.

"Intolerable!"

White Rabbit ripped the morning edition of the Daily Bugle to shreds.

"Not only was my story tucked away in section B, page 4, but again, there was nary a mention of me, while Crimson Cat was painted as the hero of the day! This was _my_ story, not _hers_! I should have gotten top billing! This has put me in such a mood, and ruined my morning tea.."

White Rabbit turned on the new television that Charles had purchased to replace the broken one from the previous day. She replayed the news story from yesterday, pausing it on Crimson Cat's smiling face, midway into her telling how easy it was to "defeat" White Rabbit. She stood up and sighed, then started to solemnly wander away.

If Charles didn't know any better, he could have sworn even her rabbit ears drooped slightly.

"I'm living my dream, a dream of danger, drama, and adventure! I know I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks, but it hurts that my dream is a _joke _to everyone else! In the past I've had other villains callously laugh in my face when I had suggested teaming up. Now that I've finally done something right, and there is no proof because it's swept under the rug. Crimson Cat stole my kudos."

White Rabbit spun and pointed an accusing finger toward the television, at Crimson Cat's face.

"Where is my fame? Where is my glory? Where are my kudos!"

White Rabbit threw her umbrella like a javelin, breaking the television screen, shattering Crimson Cat's face.

Charles started to become concerned about her emotional outburst. "Hey, are you ok?"

White Rabbit shook her head. "No, I'm not "ok". However, tomorrow is another day, as they say. When the dawn breaks, I begin my schemes anew. I'm nothing if not tenacious."

White Rabbit left the room with a brave face, but Charles could still sense an underlying dejection. He glanced over at the three spherical cameras that were sitting on the table near his laptop. A roguish grin crept over his face as inspiration flooded his brain. He plugged the camera's into his USB port and began to download the footage they recorded from White Rabbit's heist.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Several Sleepless Hours Later**

Charles rubbed his bloodshot eyes, trying to remain focused on his computer screen.

It had taken him all day and most of the night, but the final product turned out better than he imagined. After downloading all the footage his camera's had recorded, he edited together a video package that highlighted White Rabbit's exploits, making it look like she effortlessly defeated Crimson Cat.

Sure, it was a one sided video package, but he who controls the editing, controls public perception. Charles had uploaded the video clip to a webpage he created as a test, calling the webpage "The Rabbit Hole". Satisfied with how the test video played online, he opened up the youtube webpage, preparing to post it on a more public forum.

Channel 7 news had an account on youtube, they always uploaded their news stories so people could watch them whenever they wanted. He link his new video to their Crimson Cat story as a "response", to expose the one sided reporting. He'd show it to White Rabbit in the morning, hoping it would cheer her up.

Charles clicked the "upload" button, then retired for the night, unaware of the Pandora's Box he had just opened.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Next Issue**: _There has been one single foe who has ruffled my wiskers more than anyone, one sigle foe whom I have never defeated, and it's high time I correct that situation. Who could it be? I'll give you one hint, it's not Spider-Man. Also, the Daily Bugel and the Hearld are not giving me my due, so I make my own newspaper. So, that should be fun._

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Down the Rabbit Hole**: _What is this that has fallen down the Rabbit Hole_? _Mail?_ _We got mail? Charles, are you sure this didn't get sent to us by mistake. Well, well, well. I bet Dr. Doom and Red Skull don't get fan mail. Let's see what we have here, shall we?_

THIS... IS...FABULOUS!

I love it, yes I do. I can not wait to see more of this at all, next month- I will totally be on this like...well... I have no description at this time but I will be! xD

YOU GET A WHOLE BAG OF GOLD STICKY STARS, MY FRIEND!

- KisserNe

_Did you hear that Charles? I'm fabulous! Thank you for the gold stars. I was so excited I stuck them all over eveything I could find. I don't think Charles was very happy with it, but he looks cute with a sticky star on his nose. _

_I'll see everyone next week! I really need a cool sign off expression, like excelsior, only cooler.._


	3. but never jam today!

**White Rabbit #3**

"**The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday - but never jam today!"**

* * *

><p>White Rabbit and her intern, Charles Liddell, sat in silence at a large table in White Rabbit's New York lair, known as the Rabbit Hole. The table was set for a whimsical tea party, complete with a large array of scones, muffins, biscuits, and jams. Charles was shoveling down a bowl of fruity cereal, while White Rabbit was sipping tea as she read a newspaper. Every few minutes she would giggle uncontrollably.<p>

Charles glanced at her with an eyebrow raised in curiosity. "What are you reading?"

"Do you remember how you told me about that paperless newspaper, the Huffinton Post?"

Charles nodded.

White Rabbit grinned and handed Charles her newspaper. He looked at the front page and started to laugh. "The _Fluffington_ Post?"

Charles spend a few minutes looking over the "newspaper". All the headlines and articles where handwritten, the pictures crudely drawn. The main headline proclaimed "Magnificent Mistress of Mayhem Dispatches Inept Kitten With Ease", complete with a doodle of White Rabbit standing over the crumpled body of Crimson Cat. The article was mock interview of White Rabbit telling a detailed, if not one-sided, account of her battle with the local hero.

Flipping through the rest of the newspaper, Charles was amazed at the level of detail. From the main logo on the front page that had bunny ears and a tail, to articles ranging from economic theory to the modern influence of 18th century literature, and a comic strip page complete with a fully functional crossword puzzle.

"You made this all by yourself?"

White Rabbit nodded. "It was therapeutic. It made me feel a lot better after yesterday's media farce."

"Very creative, some of this stuff in here is satirical genius! That reminds me, I was working on something myself to cheer you up."

White Rabbit clapped her hands together. "Ooooh, give it to me, give it to me!"

"It's not something I can give you, I made a video for you."

White Rabbit's face showed a mix of disappointment and revulsion.

"Not _**that **_kind of video! Just come here and look.." Charles cued up the video he uploaded last night. With some creative editing, he had created a video package showcasing White Rabbit, while making Crimson Cat look completely incompetent.

A wicked smile crept over White Rabbit's face. "Lovely. The cinematography is top notch! I simply adore it!"

Charles frowned and then his eyes went wide with surprise.

"What's wrong?"

"This can't be right.." Charles reloaded the page, then shook his head. "Over one hundred thousand views in _one day_? This is sitting in the top ten most viewed videos of the day. It's listed on the main page, and even more people are going to see it now."

"Really? You know, in the past I've taken over television broadcasts to get messages out to the public, but maybe this is a more effective method. With my television messages, it only reached whoever was watching at the time. This way, people can see it at their leisure."

"This is crazy, how did this video get so popular?"

"It must be the stellar award caliber performance from the leading lady. You know, this has given me a most interesting idea. There is one thing I've been dreaming of for a long time, and I feel now is the time act, strike while the iron is hot so to speak. I need you to shoot a video of me."

Charles smirked.

White Rabbit waved a finger at Charles, scolding him. "Not _that_ kind of video!"

* * *

><p>Eugene Patilio was running late for class.<p>

At one time, Eugene had been the superhero known as Frog Man, sometimes with the added adjective of "Fabulous". His father, Vincent Patilio, had been an inventor, but not a financially successful one. After creating coils that allowed a person to jump great distances, Vincent created a frog suit that utilized the coils and became the criminal Leap-Frog.

Vincent's criminal career was short lived and unsuccessful. Years later, Eugene had taken the suit, using it to become the heroic Frog-Man, saving Spider-Man from more than one sticky situation. Eugene's father had been proud of his son, but was also overprotective. Fearing that the worst would happen, Vincent convinced Eugene to give up the Frog suit, insisting he focus on getting a higher education.

Eugene was attending classes at Empire State University, so he could stay close to his family. He should be at his communication theory class for his broadcasting major, but he had gone off campus to the local Italian deli for some cavatelli. It wasn't as good as his Aunt's, but he had a craving and it needed to be satisfied.

While he was waiting in line, he overheard a group of students behind him.

"Man, look at this video. This is the highest quality armature footage I've ever seen of real life superhero action! Most of the time it's some shaky, blurry, pixilated clip of a red and blue streak that we're supposed to believe is Spider-Man, but this video is crystal clear!"

"Fake!" proclaimed one of the students. "Look at that, it's all phony, who's ever heard of Crimson Cat or White Rabbit?"

Eugene's ears perked up at the mention of a "White Rabbit". It couldn't be.. could it?

"They just posted a second video this morning," added one of the students.

"Even more proof it's just some wannabe actors trying to create a buzz with some online comedy skits. The internet is bloated with them. That second video didn't even make any sense, it was just that rabbit girl babbling about wanting to fight lizards or frogs or something. I didn't get it."

"Excuse me," said Eugene, peering over the student's shoulder to get a peek at the video, "Which website are you guys talking about? It sounds interesting."

"Oh, it's just youtube. It's one of the featured videos, you can't miss it."

"Thanks guys."

Eugene quickly paid for his food and then picked out a table outside deli where he thought could get decent reception on his phone. He opened up the web browser and navigated to youtube. As promised, one of the videos featured on the main page was titled "White Rabbit vs Crimson Cat." Sure enough, it was the same White Rabbit that Eugene hoped it wasn't.

Following a link from the video, Eugene visited a website called "The Rabbit Hole", where he found a second video. It showed White Rabbit facing the camera, with her head tilted to the side, examining something in front of her. "So, do I have to wait for this red light to turn off, or..?"

"No, no," said a voice that was off-camera, "the red light means it's recording right now!"

"Ahem, yes, well then.. this is a message to the self proclaimed Fabulous Frog Man. You, amphibious imbecile, have been my most persistent foe, more so than that annoying arachnid, Spider-Man. Time and time again you have spoiled my villainous exploits. But no more! The time has come for a reckoning!"

White Rabbit held up an oversized pocket watch and pointed at it with the tip of her umbrella.

"When the clock tolls 2 a.m., our decisive climatic battle shall commence at the location where last you bested me. As you know, I abhor tardiness, so if you are late, there will be swift and dire consequences for the city of New York!"

Eugene dropped his cavatelli and took off running for the nearest subway station.

* * *

><p>Charles drove down the streets of New York, as the White Rabbit lounged in the passenger seat.<p>

"You should probably buckle your seatbelt."

"Are you not a good driver?"

"I'm an excellent driver," deadpanned Charles. "It's just against the law to ride around without your seatbelt buckled."

White Rabbit unleashed gales of laughter. "As if grand larceny and manslaughter weren't enough, god forbid I fail to buckle my seatbelt."

"You know, we're not driving around in the most inconspicuous vehicle. I mean, how much did it cost for you to completely customize an ice cream truck to make it bunny themed, inside and out?"

"I've told you, dear Charles, that money is no object."

"I've been meaning to ask you, if you've got so much money, and it's no object, how come you're not paying me anything?"

"Charles, you are an intern. You don't get a salary, you just get work experience. I'm sorry but rules are rules, my hands are tied."

"Yeah but.."

"There are loopholes, such as, I can not pay you money, but I can feed you. Every other day, you can have biscuits and jam."

"What? I'm not even hungry right now."

"That's fine, there is no jam today. The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday - but never jam today."

Charles parked near their destination and then buried his face in his hands. It's bad enough he was making outrageous weapons for a literary obsessed psychopath without getting paid for it, but now it appeared he was also going to starve to death while doing it.

* * *

><p>Eugene Patilio had reached his destination: The home shared by his father and aunt. Eugene fished the spare house key from a fake rock near the fishpond in the front yard. As quietly as possible, he opened the front door and snuck upstairs to the attic, praying his father wouldn't wake up.<p>

Eugene did his best to stifle sneeze as he brushed away the dust that had collected on a chest in the attic. He opened the lid and looked inside at the green frog costume held within. His father had told him, in no uncertain terms, that there was no more Frog-Man.

But this was different, people were in danger and _**only**_ Frog-Man could save the day. He'd just use the costume for one night only, defeat White Rabbit like he'd done before, and if he was lucky, his dad would never know any of it happened.

As he struggled to put on the costume, Eugene realized he had put on some extra weight since the last time he wore the costume. Maybe he could stand to skip the cavatelli once in a while.

* * *

><p>"This the place?" asked Charles, peering out the window. "Kwikkee Burger?"<p>

"Yes. It's the first place, and the last place that I encountered our froggy fiend. Shouldn't it be closed? It's the middle of the night."

"No, a lot of these places stay open twenty four hours nowadays."

"I say, that's a wonderful idea. I wonder why it took them so long to think of it."

Charles shrugged.

"Well, this changes things slightly, but only slightly. In fact, it may have just made this a little more fun. Wait here."

"Hey, I've got no problem with that."

White Rabbit exited the truck and entered the Kwikkee Burger. The teenage boy behind the counter gawked at her as she walked in the doors. White Rabbit smirked as she noticed the kid was staring at her legs.

The kid finally came out of his stupor. "Would you like to try our double bacon cheeseburger extra value meal?" he finally asked. "You can get it with onion rings or legs. I mean, fries."

"No, I would not like any burgers, fries, or onion rings. I'm meeting a friend here, but in the meantime, I _will_ take all the cash you have in your register please."

She had come here expressly to battle Frog Man for the final time, however the lure of excitement, the indescribable rush of adrenaline she received from stealing, was too much to pass up. She had led a sheltered and protected life, being raised her whole life to be a proper lady, and while she held onto a lot of those lessons to this day, she craved the thrill of being adventurous, rebellious, and downright naughty. That is why she had reinvented herself as a supervillain.

"I can't do that," said the boy behind the register. "Look, you're cute, so if you leave I won't call the cops.."

White Rabbit smiled and twirled her umbrella around. She pointed the umbrella at the menu screens on the wall behind the boy. Machine gun fire erupted from the tip, sending chunks of debris flying from the wall. She then pointed the gun at the boy's head.

"Next time that shall be your face. Now, the money, please."

The boy fumbled with the register, managing to get it open after several moments of struggling. He threw handfuls of cash at White Rabbit, then dove under the counter. White Rabbit shook her head in amusement and started to collect the cash.

* * *

><p>Sara Sanderson, also known as The Crimson Cat, was in her secret lair, pouring through her files on the White Rabbit. That is to say, she was in her bedroom, looking at newspaper clippings, while watching online videos of old newscasts.<p>

Had she done this years ago, she would've been at the mercy of the library's microfiche, or having to sign out VHS tapes from the local news station. That's just the way it was done years ago, but thanks to modern technology, the historical news reports are all available in the comfort of your home, on demand, thanks to the internet.

The newspaper clippings had been something Sara collected on her own for years. As a child she had been captivated by the idea of superheroes, and always told her parents that she wanted to be one when she grew up. For years and years she had collected any news article about heroes or villains. The heavy binders full of articles now served as her database.

"According to White Rabbit's video, she'll be at the last place she fought Frog-Man." Sara flipped through her binder until she found an article detailing White Rabbit's battle with Frog-Man after robbing a Kwikkee Burger and several other small businesses.

"But this was the first time, when was the _last_ time they encountered each other?" Sara browsed the online footage that contained the keywords "White Rabbit" and "Frog-Man". Aside from the recent uploaded clip of White Rabbit challenging Frog-Man to a fight, there was one older newscast linked to the search results.

Sara watched the news report, as the reporter tried his best to cover the mayhem unfolding around him. White Rabbit and Walrus were wrecking the city before Spider-Man and two Frog Men brought an end to the pandemonium.

Something caught Sara's eye. She paused the footage and inspected a building in the background. Next to the building was a large sign that indicated it to be a Kwikkee Burger.

"Bingo!"

Sara slipped into her costume, pulled the mask over her face, and leapt out her bedroom window.

* * *

><p><strong>Back at the Kwikkee Burger<strong>

Static crackled in White Rabbit's earpiece, as Charles turned on his communication device. "I hope you're ready, because you're about to have company!"

White Rabbit turned toward the doors, as the floating cameras hovered in the air behind her. As the front doors opened, Frog-Man entered the room. The boy behind the counter peeked his head out to see what was going on. He saw the woman dressed as a rabbit was now standing across the room from a chubby man in a frog costume. The boy ducked back behind the counter and started texting all his friends about the insanity he was witnessing.

White Rabbit checked her pocket watch and found that it was 1:59 am. "I'm happy to see that you punctual. This is a very important date you see, and it's dreadfully poor form to be late for your own demise!"

* * *

><p><strong>Next Issue<strong>: _Do I really have to say it? The moment of my greatest triumph is finaly here! Now I know what you are thinking, but this time will be different. I'll show you, you'll see! Come back next month for a tale that I myself will call, with apologys to Arthur Miller, DEATH OF A FROG MAN!_

* * *

><p><strong>The Rabbit Hole<strong>: _My, my, you've been busy little bees, havn't you my loyal bunny brigade? I have more mail this month. Huzza, the mail has been doubled! However, I am disappointed a few of you showed up late to the party. I. Hate. Late. Now, lets see what you think, shall we?_

**I've always liked White Rabbit for no particular reason. It could be the fact that she's inspired by Alice In Wonderland, or the fact that she's the kind of insane where they're fun to watch.**

**Fun like this story.**

**Awesome stuff. ^_^**

**I particularly like "Your opinion has been considered and promptly discarded". xDDDD – InnerVenom123**

_Well, thank you. I'm nothing if not fun, but I'm not so sure about the insane comment. I think I'm whimsical myself. I'm glad you like Alice in Wonderland, I don't know if you know this, but I'll let you in on a little secret. It's my favorite book of all time. Also:_

**Poor White Rabbit! Charles doing that favor for her is adorable, though.**

**This is so great. ^_^**

**Also, for your sign off expression: how about "happy hopping"? =P – InnerVenom123**

_Well, yes, I was rather down in the dumps at first, but as you can see it is possible to turn a negative into a positive. My luck is turning around now, I feel good things are coming._

**I think Alex has a really strong approach for White Rabbit's motivation, which is truly something that sets her apart. There are lots of gadget-wielding bad guys out there, and lots of super-sexy thieves, but White Rabbit isn't in it for the money or any violent, antisocial tendencies. She enjoys doing dangerous and stupid things, because they are dangerous and stupid and therefore fun. She wants to lead an exciting life and, adding another layer, wants recognition and even fame for living such a lifestyle. That is a heck of a hook and the single thing that most convinces me this series could have some serious longevity. - Dale Glaser  
><strong>

_Wow, this is certainly a nice surprise! I'm going to need you to stop by the Rabbit Hole and have a talk with Charles, because he doesn't understand fun. YOU understand FUN! You may almost say the fun has been doubled. Charles is always so worried about cost and safety and planning, blah, blah, blah. The adventure is the thing! Now as far as Crimson Cat goes, now that I've bested her, maybe sometime I'll set my sights higher and upgrade on my feline foes. There is a certain cat of a darker hue that I would love to cross paths with sometime. Although, you know those pesky felines, they always seem to have nine lives and land on their feet, but I'm sure Crimson Cat has learned her lesson and would do anything to avoid running into me at all costs. Right?_

_Until next time.. Happy Hopping!_


	4. Will you, won't you, join the dance?

**White Rabbit **#4

"**Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?"**

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Eugene Patilio stood across from White Rabbit, the two having come face to face at the "Kwikkee Burger". She challenged him to come fight her, under threat of destroying the city. Being the hero he was, Eugene grabbed his Frog-Man gear and arrived as soon as he could.

"Listen, every time we've ever done this, it's ended the same way. You end up knocked unconscious, then taken to jail. Maybe you'd just like to surrender this time?"

"You dolt, why would I summon you here just to give up?"

"Nothing to lose by asking, I was trying to nice, geez! I guess we can do this the hard way if you really want. I was hoping you would've learned from past experiences, but I guess not!"

"No, you are very wrong, my amphibious adversary. I have learned a great deal in the course of our epic encounters, but I will admit that I'm still learning everyday. As a matter of fact.."

White Rabbit's eyes twinkled as she pointed her umbrella at Frog Man. A razor sharp blade extended from the tip. "Today I'm going to learn how, exactly, one goes about dissecting a frog!"

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Charles Liddell sipped a steaming cup of coffee while observing the computer monitors. White Rabbit had been working Charles to the bone, he was so tired and worn down, the coffee was barley enough to keep him awake and focused.

He had set up a workspace in the back of the ice-cream truck, similar to what you'd see in a movie when people are on a "stakeout". Three laptop computers were wired together, and Charles was doing his best to multitask on all three hard drives.

The center computer was wired into the remote control cameras that watched and recorded White Rabbit's every move. He was letting them run on autopilot, but he was ready to jump in and enter manual commands if necessary.

The computer on his left, he used to scour the internet for any information about White Rabbit. He wasn't turning up much, having to wade through an insurmountable amount of pages linked to the keywords "White" and "Rabbit".

The computer on his right, let's just say he was downloading a movie and leave it at that. He already knew how White Rabbit felt about that kind of thing, and if she found out what he was doing with her computer, he reasoned the last thing he would ever hear would be "off with his head!"

His attention diverted toward the computer on the left, as something captured his interest. His seemingly fruitless search had pulled up a truly interesting result indeed.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Eugenie was extremely anxious about the blade that White Rabbit was wielding. "_Geez, look at the size of that thing, she wouldn't have any problem carving me up like a chunk of roast beef_." Eugenie couldn't let her know he was having second thoughts. He tried his best to put on an air of confidence.

"I gave you the chance to give up, but you leave me no choice. Prepare to be pummeled by the amazing leaping ability of the fabulous Frog-man!" Eugenie crouched down and prepared to launch himself across the room and tackle White Rabbit. He extended his legs..

...and landed a measly two and half feet away from his starting position.

White Rabbit had an unimpressed expression on her face. "A rather uninspiring thing."

"_I'm such an idiot, geez_!" thought Eugenie. "_I should have tested the suit first, before leaping into a fight! I just need to adjust the resistance on the springs before she slices me wide open!_"

White Rabbit advanced on Frog-Man, swinging her blade with wild abandon. "Do you know how long I've waiting for this moment, dreamed of this divine retribution? My repeated defeat at your hands has been an albatross around my neck for far too long."

Frog-Man was doing his best to adjust the knobs on the power back on his back, while simultaneously dodging White Rabbit's blade. Eugenie was not in the best physical condition, always having relied on the suit's jumping coils to do all the work. One of White Rabbit's swipes caught him on the forearm, ripping the suit open and gouging his flesh.

"Youch!" Eugenie grabbed his forearm, blood oozing from between his fingers as he tried to hold the wound closed, while avoiding being skewered like a shish kabob.

"It would appear that first blood, is mine!" announced White Rabbit, triumphantly. "Do you know what it will do to my reputation to kill a superhero, especially one that is considered my arch nemesis? Why, my colleagues will no longer consider me a laughing stock, they will be lining up in droves, _begging_ me to honor them with my partnership! I'll finally get the respect I deserve."

Becoming overexcited at the prospect of besting her rival, White Rabbit charged with a sloppy thrust that Frog-Man ducked under. He used White Rabbit's momentum against her, flipping her into the air, sending her flying over the front counter of the Kwikkee Burger.

White Rabbit slammed into several large shelving unit's the held hamburger buns, boxes of napkins, condiments, and other fast food related items. She crashed onto the floor, then rolled under the counter while the shelving units toppled down around her. The three floating camera spheres glided between the falling objects, maintaining their focus on White Rabbit, even though she was squashed under the shelves.

White Rabbit found herself face to face with the teenager who had been hiding under the counter since she robbed the cash register. They were both smashed together under the pile of clutter. He grinned nervously, hoping she wasn't about to eviscerate him. White Rabbit gave him an annoyed look, punctuated with a "hmph" sound, before trying to crawl out from under the counter.

"There's not a lot of space under here, is there?" She crawled around, trying to maneuver out from under the counter. Her hind end bashed the teen in the face, knocking his head against the wall. Her bunny tail tickled his nose as she wiggled her way out from under the counter, he did his best to hold in a sneeze, reasoning that sneezing on her bottom may mean certain death.

She wiggled her way free and crawled up over the countertop. Looking around the room, she saw Frog-Man was no longer present.

"Oh Charles, can you please tell me what happened to my Froggy friend?"

White Rabbit's earpiece crackled to life, as Charles's voice emanated from the other end. "Ah, sorry.. I was distracted. I wasn't watching the monitor, I didn't see what happened."

"Unacceptable! What could have _possibly_ been more important than watching me?"

"Well, it's something I think you'll find very interesting, but we can talk about it later. Do you want me to send the cameras out on a search?"

White Rabbit noticed something on the floor and smiled. "That won't be necessary."

She walked out of the Kwikkee Burger, following a trail of blood drops on the ground.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Sara Sanderson, also known as the heroic Crimson Cat, was running late. She had deciphered White Rabbit's video message to Frog-Man, and after suiting up in her costume, headed for the fight as fast as possible. Unfortunately, her scooter could only travel so fast.

It wasn't befitting of a superhero to have their mode of transportation be a scooter, but she had to make do. As a student attending ESU, most of Sara's funds were tied up with school. Luckily, she had a partial scholarship for gymnastics, but she still didn't have enough disposable income to own a car.

It had already cost enough money just to make the costume and the claws, and to modify the scooter's front to resemble a cat's face. She certainly couldn't afford a Cat Car, let alone a Catcopter, as cool as that would be.

"How the hell is it, that someone like White Rabbit has her own helicopter while I'm stuck driving a scooter?" mused Crimson Cat. "Once I'm a famous superhero, I swear I'm going to have all the coolest toys and gadgets."

Crimson Cat pushed down on the brakes, slowing to a stop as railroad crossing bars lowered before her. She had briefly considered gunning the engine and trying to beat the train, but the last thing she wanted was to die in an automobile accident on the way to stop a crime.

As she waited for the train to pass, she noticed a car full of teenagers sitting next to her, the kids all giving her a weird look. She smiled weakly and waved, praying for the train to pass as quickly as possible.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Frog-Man managed to find himself a decent hiding place to recuperate. There was an abandoned building across the street from the Kwikkee Burger, condemned and slated for demolition. With his boot springs malfunctioning, he was forced to play a demented game of real life "frogger" to get across the street in one piece, but he made it. He had ducked into the building after grabbing some old rags to construct a makeshift tourniquet, stopping the flow of blood from his forearm.

Eugene sat down on the floor in one of the inner rooms, and started calibrating his jumping coils by twisting the knobs on his powerpack. Before he could adjust them properly, White Rabbit burst into the room.

"It appears this is the end of the line for you. You've trapped yourself in a corner, there is nowhere left to run."

Frog-Man glanced around the room. She was right, it was an interior room with no windows. She was blocking the only doorway in or out. What she didn't know, is Eugene had no intention of running away. In his heart, he was a hero. Hero's didn't "run away" just because they got a "little scratch". Retreating into the room had just been a temporary strategy, trying to buy enough time to patch up his arm and fix his jumping coils before coming back to defeat the villain in the end. That how it works, the good guy fights back from adversity, but always wins in the end.

"Maybe you should brush up on your animal facts, running isn't a frog's strong point," began Eugene, trying to come up with a clever quip like his hero Spider-Man, before delivering the final blow to end the battle. "Ask anyone on the street, they know, frogs are famous for jumping!"

Frog-Man crouched, then leapt into the air with the intention of landing on White Rabbit to stun her long enough to end the battle. He gracefully soared upwards..

..and continued his upward momentum, crashing through the ceiling.

When White Rabbit startled him, he hadn't finished his calibrations. The resistance on his jumping coils had been set too high, when he jumped, they sent him flying upwards with so much force, he crashed though three floors and two support beams!

"Ah-ha, you _are_ running away!" exclaimed White Rabbit, misunderstanding what happened. She peered up into the darkness of the newly formed tunnel caused by Frog-Man, trying to glimpse where he ended up. Suddenly, the whole building made an awful groaning noise as it shifted to the right.

"Oh dear.."

White Rabbit made a mad dash out of the room and down the hallway. She made it out of the front door just as the building started to collapse. The outgoing flow of dust and debris acted like a strong wave or tide, as White Rabbit was swept off her feet and engulfed by the rubble.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Charles Liddell was frantically searching the area where his cameras had lost sight of White Rabbit. As soon as she disappeared, he tried to contact her through the headset, but she never responded. He dug though the rubble with his bare hands, expecting the worst. Several feet away, he thought he saw movement. He realized it was a bunny tail wiggling. White Rabbit rose up to her hands and knees as she coughed up dust.

"You scared the hell out of me, I thought you were dead!"

"As Mark Twain famously wrote all those years ago: The report of my death was an exaggeration." White Rabbit stood up and brushed herself off. "You see, I am merely dazed and very slightly bruised.."

White Rabbit paused as she noticed two green legs sticking out of the wreckage, limp and unmoving.

"I am also elated beyond explanation! Happy day, I have vanquished one of my fiercest foes, slain the monkey that once resided on my back!"

"Ding Dong, the Frog is dead," muttered Charles, looking at the green flippers sticking out from under the collapsed building and briefly considering trying to pull them off, but then deciding he'd rather not actually touch a dead body.

White Rabbit danced and skipped all around where Frog Man was buried, she held out her hands toward Charles with a demented grin plastered on her face. "Come, dance with me Charles! Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?"

"Listen, as much as I can appreciate how much of a thrill it must be to _literally _dance on the grave of your arch nemesis, we really need to leave before the cops get here."

Charles grabbed White Rabbit's hand and led her away, she reluctantly followed him. They loaded into her custom ice cream truck and drove away. She glanced into the back of the truck, at the computers and electronic equipment.

"Oh, incidentally, you were going to tell me what was _so important _that you turned a blind eye to my battle with Frog-Man?"

"Well, I was talking to this girl online.."

White Rabbit's nose wrinkled in disgust. "You used my computer to partake in you vile cybernetic sex? What have I told you about that! Now I shall have to burn my computer, such a waste.."

"I don't think "cybernetic" is the correct term, and anyway, that's _not _what I was doing! I was digging through the internet to see if any mainstream media had picked up on your story yet.."

"Yes? Yes?"

"No, nothing yet. I couldn't find any legitimate news outlets that had anything about you, however, I did find something else entirely that piqued my interest. There's a fairly large and growing fan community devoted to you."

"What?"

"The media hasn't noticed you, but a lot of other people certainly have. I stumbled on a discussion forum devoted to you."

White Rabbit still didn't believe what Charles was telling her. "I have _fans_?"

"Apparently you have quite a few fan. There is a lot of interest in your videos, and when people try and find out more about you, there isn't any information available. They've all gotten together online with this forum, and I was talking to the girl who created it. You've been snubbed by the media and by your peers, but this internet thing is really taking off. I think we can use this. If we control the information, we control the perception, and perception is reality."

"Well, this is a very remarkable development indeed."

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Crimson Cat arrived at the Kwikkee Burger, albeit a lot later than she planned. The place looked like a war zone, but no sign of White Rabbit or Frog-Man. Her attention was immediately drawn across the street, where police and emergency personnel had gathered around a collapsed building.

She parked her scooter behind a garbage can, then scaled a neighboring building to get a better view of the situation. She could see EMTs digging in the rubble, and then pulling out a man who was wearing green. They removed his frog helmet and stabilized his head with a neck brace. Crimson Cat's eyes widened behind her goggles as she watched them place the boy onto a gurney.

"Eugene?"

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Down the Rabbit Hole**

_Yay, more mail. Where do you crazy people keep coming from? Impurest Cheese writes:_

**So Frogman could be taking his final dive? So far this has been a highly entertaining piece of fanon and I hope that you keep up the caliber of writing. Also Charles reminds me a bit of the henchman who follows Screwball around and films her crimes which are later put up on her website (Note that this is just an observation I'm not suggesting he was stolen from the Spider Man Villaness) Keep up the good work and I hope to see more of your work soon.**

_Screwball? Never heard of her. Note to self: have Charles hack into the interwebs and crash her website. I can't be having competition like that, now can I? Have to maintain my position as the number one villain in social media, though Charles is the one who takes care off that kind of thing. As far as Frogman.. well, as much as I wish that nincompoop had taken a dirtnap, alas, my ultimate victory does not seem to be ultimate after all. You'll just have to stick around to see what happens next with Frogman. Yes, that's right, he's still sticking around. Unfortunately._

_And now it looks like we have another new member of the Bunny Brigade, with JasmineNightheart _

**OMG! ILOVE IT! I had an idea though, maybe you should a character to it like the mad hatter. Also a song that might help you get inspiration to write is Her Name is Alice by Shinedown. Thanks for writing this!**

_Mad Hatter? Never heard of him. I think you are getting me confused with a different White Rabbit. There is one who chases bats, I believe. I've heard rumors of a Mad Hatter type character, it wouldn't be anytime soon, but it IS a story for another time._

_Until next time, Happy Hopping!_

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**Next Issue:**

_I've defeated two heroes back to back, what am I going to do next? Why go on a cruise of course! Also, how in the world does Crimson Cat know Eugene Patilio? All this and I give Charles a gift he will never forget! Come back next month for high jinx on the high seas_


	5. Curiouser and curiouser!

_In case you're late to the party: In the past, Charles Liddell worked for A.I.M. and the Tinkerer, making weapons and gadgets. Due to an unfortunate misunderstanding he became the intern for the Alice In Wonderland obsessed villain known as the White Rabbit. He developed flying cameras to help pull off heists, but inadvertently turned White Rabbit into an internet sensation. Since their partnership began, she has bested the local hero Crimson Cat, and her most persistent foe, Eugene Patilio, the Frog-Man._

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><p><em>.<br>_

**White Rabbit 5**

**"Curiouser and curiouser!"**

**.  
><strong>

Amanda Kyle stood on the main deck of the Wonderland cruise ship. Over the last ten years she had designed several ships, but this was her crowning achievement. Amanda made sure she was on the maiden voyage. As she closed her eyes to soak in the warmth of the sun and the sent of the ocean breeze, she heard a commotion on the deck. Opening her eyes, she saw several passengers pointing at something off the starboard side.

There was a mist hovering above the water, and out from that mist emerged a second ship. It wasn't a cruise ship, nor was it a tanker ship. Amanda could tell it was a newly built ship, although the design wasn't current. It was built to look like an Eighteenth Century pirate ship.

Commonly you'd see a mermaid or maiden carved into the bow of a pirate ship such as this, but instead the carving was of a menacing looking bunny. The ship was also painted with an obnoxious pink, pearl, and teal color scheme. The deck of the ship was populated by people dressed as stereotypical Hollywood style pirates.

Standing with one foot on the mast, pointing at the cruise ship with an umbrella, was a woman who had large rabbit ears on her head. "But one man of her crew alive! What put to sea with seventy-five!" she gleefully sang.

Amanda removed a vial of pills from her pocket. She tossed a handful of Ambien down her throat as the pirate ship closed in on her cruise ship.

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Eugene Patilio laid in his hospital bed, and he was afraid. The terror that gripped him was not a result of the IV needle, the stitches, or even the hospital food. The source of his fear was down the hall, marching inexorably toward his room. There was nowhere for Eugene to run or hide, he had no choice but to face this fate as the figure entered the room.

"Eugene Salvatore Patilio, you may have survived being crushed by a building, but now I'm gonna kill you!"

"Vincent, go easy on the poor boy, he's been through enough tonight!" exclaimed Eugene's Aunt Marie. "Remember, the doctor said you need to watch your blood pressure!"

"Geez dad, I'm sorry. I really messed up this time."

"I'll say you did!" agreed Vincent Patilio, Eugene's father. "You could've been crippled, or worse! What the hell were you thinking?!"

"It was the White Rabbit! She demanded to fight Frog-Man, or else the city would pay the price."

"Oh Christ, again with the White Rabbit!"

"Dad, last time she wanted to fight me she started destroying the city until we showed up to stop her, remember? Who knows what she would have done this time!"

"She would have done the same thing she's done _every_ time. Failed. You should've let Spider-Man or Daredevil handle it."

"Nobody else was there!" protested Eugene. "Frog-Man was the only h-"

"That enough, Eugene. You didn't die last night, but Frog-Man did. I've asked, but now I'm _telling_you: No more Frog-Man!"

After his father and aunt had left, Eugene started getting ready to be discharged. He wasn't looking forward to the medical bill. As if student loans weren't enough! God bless the American health system.

At least he didn't have any broken bones. Just a few deep bruises and a nasty cut on his forearm. As Eugene was putting on his shoes, he heard more footsteps coming into the room. He turned, expecting to see his father. He was surprised it wasn't his father, but rather, an attractive young lady with brunette hair. He recognized her, but had never spoken to her before now.

"Uh, hey," he stammered. "Sara, right? We have the same journalism course at ESU, with professor Tate.

Sara Sanderson nodded her head.

"So, uh, what brings you here? Are you looking for someone?"

"I'm actually looking for you. I heard you had an accident, I came to see if you were alright."

Something didn't feel right. Sara hadn't said two words to him before now, and how did she know he was in the hospital anyway?

"I'm better now, thanks. As a matter of fact, I was just leaving."

"I'm glad you're ok. I was wondering if you'd come by my house for a little bit, there's something important I want to talk to you about..."

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"I don't remember any pirate ships in "Through the Looking Glass". Also, your song makes me nervous. I sincerely hope more than one of us makes it through this adventure alive.."

"Charles!" exclaimed White Rabbit, as she peered into the grating on the main deck that lead under the ship's cargo hold. "Come up here and join the rest of us!"

Charles was hesitant. "I don't know... I feel silly!"

"Come on!" encouraged White Rabbit. "Yo ho ho, and all that! I can't do this pirate raid without my first mate! Or, unpaid intern, whatever the case may be.."

Charles grumbled in disagreement, but grudgingly started walking up the stairs from the cargo hold.

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**The Rabbit Hole**

**Two days ago**

"I've got a present for you!"

Charles Liddell stopped soldering together metal components for his latest gadget. Pushing his goggles up to the top of his forehead, he turned to watch White Rabbit walk into the room. She was holding a large gift wrapped box.

Charles inspected the box with skepticism. "I'm not going to open this thing up and get blown to bits by a carrot shaped bomb, am I?"

White Rabbit looked offended. "Charles, really! Would I do that to my favorite intern?"

"I'm your only intern."

"The carrot bomb isn't a bad idea," said White Rabbit, "Do you think it would work on Spider-Man?"

"I don't know, I never met the guy."

"Well let me tell you, he is very rude, thinks he is the funniest person in the world, and loves to insult people. I find him to be very abrasive and boorish myself. Nothing but a bully in pajamas."

"I had no idea my drunk uncle Robert was Spider-Man," joked Charles.

"He is?"

Charles rolled his eyes and began to unwrap his present. White Rabbit could hardly contain her excitement as Charles undid the bow and opened the top of the box. His face fell as removed the contents of the box, while White Rabbit cheered.

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><p>.<p>

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**White Rabbit's Pirate Ship**

**Right Now**

"Come on," coaxed White Rabbit. "Don't be shy! This is your grand debut!"

"I don't know.." Charles felt self-conscious, but he didn't want to make White Rabbit angry. He found he didn't like her when she was angry. So he took a deep breath and emerged on the main deck for everyone to see.

Charles Liddell was clad in a fuzzy brown bodysuit that left only his hands and head exposed. He still wore his trademark goggles, but now he also wore large brown bunny ears atop his head as well.

White Rabbit beamed with pride. "Everyone, let me introduce my intern sidekick, The March Hare!"

White Rabbit started to clap, and encouraged the rest of the crew to join in. Thunderous applause echoed across the ocean, as Charles wished for nothing more than to run back into the cargo hold and hide. The trio of floating cameras hovering around White Rabbit caught every humiliating moment. Charles made a mental note to edit out as much as possible, though he suspected White Rabbit would insist his unveiling be the featured video of her website this week.

"So, what's the difference between an intern sidekick and an intern?"

"You get more responsibility for the same amount of pay, _and_ you get this stylish costume!"

"I look ludicrous."

"You look _wonderful_!"

Charles peered his eyes upward. "These bunny ears are stupid."

Charles looked back down and found himself face to face with a growling White Rabbit, her ears almost touching his.

"Sorry boss, I must have been confused. The word I was looking for was fabulous," mumbled Charles, "these ears are _fabulous_."

White Rabbit's mood instantly changed, as she smiled and skipped away. Charles breathed a sigh of relief, glad he'd survived another close call without "off with his head!" coming into play.

"You never did explain why we've got a pirate ship. I don't think Lewis Carroll wrote about pirates."

"My dear Charles, 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland' and 'Through the Looking-Glass' were by no means the _only_ books I read, they're simply my favorites. I love all literature, including 'Treasure Island'."

"You think it was a good idea to hire a bunch of actors, along with the mercenaries?"

"These thugs will be good for boarding the cruise ship, however they've no clue how to properly portray an Eighteenth Century buccaneer. These starving actors were more than willing to accept the terms of my contract, promising them double the SAG minimum, while disallowing any liability on my part for anything that may occur on our adventure. I need the mercenaries for efficiency, but I also need the actors so we have an authentic feel."

Charles looked confused but nodded in agreement anyway. "Makes about as much sense as anything else you've done so far."

White Rabbit turned her attention back toward the Wonderland cruise ship, pointing a menacing finger at the crowd gathered on the deck. "Prepare to be boarded by the mistress of mayhem, the scourge of the seven seas, the overlord of the ocean, the White Rabbit!"

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><p>.<p>

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Eugene was beginning to think he was in a coma and dreaming. It was the most logical explanation. Why else would Sara Sanderson, the attractive girl from his journalism course at ESU, invite him to her house?

Upon arriving at her home, she had introduced Eugene to her father as "her friend from college", before grabbing Eugene's hand and leading him to her bedroom, almost dragging him behind her. She told him sit on the edge of her bed.

"I'll be right back, I have something very important to show you."

Sara disappeared into the next room. Eugene glanced around the room, weighing his options. Was it a dream? Was she crazy? Should he try and escape?

Sara rushed back into the room, wearing a trench coat. "Are you ready?"

"For what?"

Sara ripped open her trench coat so Eugene could get a good look at what was underneath.

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Back on the Wonderland cruise ship, Duke McClain sat back in his wheelchair, watching the surreal scene unfold before him.

His daughter insisted he needed to get out more, have some fun. She bought him a ticket to the maiden voyage. Duke would have been content to stay at home, tend his lawn, work on his classic car, and fall asleep in his easy chair while watching the ballgame. He agreed to her demand, figuring it'd be a relaxing week at sea and then he'd get back to his daily routine that he actually enjoyed.

That was _before_ his cruise had been interrupted when a crew of pirates boarded the ship. Duke watched as several passengers where relieved of valuables by brutes dressed in cheesy pirate costumes, filling up sack after sack with stolen loot.

The leader of the group seemed to be a pirate with bunny ears, who was followed by a miserable looking lackey wearing an even more pathetic bunny costume.

Duke shook his head at the absurdity of it all. These so called pirates had no idea what they walked into. Duke wheeled away from the passengers who were currently being accosted, making his way to the lower levels of the ship. When he had taken this vacation, he was sure to bring along his favorite toy, just in case.

Duke rolled up to a large wooden crate in the cargo hold. "Never leave home without it."

He pried open the front of the crate to reveal a high tech armored battle suit. The front of the suit was open and hollow. Duke lifted himself out of the wheelchair, and laid down in the armor. The front of the armor closed in around him, and a large needle injected into his spinal column. The armor powered up, and Duke climbed out of the crate. The needle in his spine read his neural impulses and relayed those messages to his armor.

Normally, Duke was a wounded war veteran, living in retirement. He wouldn't have stood a chance trying to defy the pirates. But when he was in his armored battle suit? He felt damn near invincible.

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><p>.<p>

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Eugene sat on Sara Sanderson's bed, covering his eyes with his hands. He started to spread his fingers apart, peeking out between them. "Oh my."

Sara was dressed head to toe in a deep red bodysuit, with fur accents. She also wore a mask with googles and cat ears. She posed proudly for Eugene. "Ta da!"

"Oh, ok. You like dressing up in costumes. That's a pretty good Crimson Cat costume!"

"It's a good costume because it's the real costume, silly! I _am_ the Crimson Cat! And you are the fabulous Frog-Man!"

All of the air left Eugene's body as he was filled with a feeling of panic.

He laughed nervously. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I did some investigation and followed the clues to where White Rabbit and Frog-Man planned to have their confrontation. When I showed up, the battle was over, but I saw the EMT's take you out of the Frog-Man uniform."

Eugene leaned in closer and lowered his voice to a whisper. "You can't tell _anyone_!"

"Well duh, that's like the first rule of superhero club!" laughed Sara. "Secret identities are secret! This is going to be the start of something big!"

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All the women and children had been horded into life rafts and sent adrift toward a nearby island. The men had not been so lucky, made to "walk the plank" and swim toward the island as White Rabbit laughed manically.

"Yo ho, a pirates life for me!" she shouted, reveling in the chance to play the role of a high seas rouge. "Don't dally, I'm running on a tight schedule! Move a little more briskly when ye walk the plank, don't forget we'll keelhaul any scurvy dog who dares stand in our way! My word, this is almost as fun as killing superheroes. I may have to take up pirating as a hobby once I retire from being the queen of crime."

A steady thumping noise caught her attention, the boat seemingly rocking with each rhythmic thud. She turned toward the back of the ship to see a hulking suit of armor marching in her direction.

"Iron Man!" White Rabbit hopped with excitement. Fighting Spider-Man or Frog-Man was one thing, but this was Iron Man! Thanks to Charles and his cameras, the whole world would witness her defeat an Avenger!

"Sorry Ma'am, I'm flattered by the comparison, but the name's Sonic Boom!"

She took a closer look at the figure, and took note that the armor didn't look like any Iron Man armor she'd ever seen. All the video of Iron Man on CNN showed a modern and sleek glossy red or gold armor, this clunky armor looked old, and was darker hued in grey and black.

White Rabbit's mood instantly soured, going from excitement to disappointment. How was she supposed to break into the upper echelon of villainy's elite, when she kept facing off with heroes more obscure than she was? An unknown Iron Man copycat? Absurd! She deserved better!

Now she found herself in a position where she had nothing to gain and everything to lose. Growling to herself, she flicked the button on her umbrella that caused a razor sharp blade to extend from the tip. She lunged at Sonic Boom, but the blade bent upon striking the armor.

"Perhaps I should have brought my machine gun umbrella. Then again, I would surmise that you are also bullet proof."

Sonic Boom yanked the umbrella out of her hands and crushed it in his armored fist. "This is the only time I'm going to offer you the chance to peacefully surrender, I suggest you take it."

"Why does everyone seem to want me to give up without a fight? Where's the fun in that?"

"Crime ain't fun lady, this is serious business! I'd prefer not to use force on a broad, but I will if I have to."

"I'll have you know, I'm not a 'broad', I'm a _lady_!" White Rabbit smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "You just don't have any fun because you're on the wrong team. Since you were polite enough to ask me to surrender, permit me to extend an offer of my own. I could use another sidekick. You should come to the dark side. We have tarts."

"No thanks lady. Now why don't you put your hands in the air and we'll wait for the coast guard?"

"That's too bad. A fresh coat of paint and you could have been my white knight. Tell me, Mr. Boom, do you happen to have boot jets?"

"What the hell difference does that make?"

"Hmmm, well if you don't have boot jets, you're going to have a difficult time apprehending me. Ta ta!"

White Rabbit's boot jets roared to life, lifting her into the air. Her hovering cameras vibrated and then shot skyward after her. Sonic Boom looked upwards and sighed.

"Crazy broad," he mumbled, firing up his own boot jets and giving chase. "So much for my relaxing vacation."

White Rabbit made sure she was well clear of the cruise ship before slowing her accent. She formulated a plan, as long as she had more maneuverability than Sonic Boom, everything should turn out in her favor.

Sonic Boom closed the gap between himself and White Rabbit. She slowed just enough for him to reach for her foot, then accelerated and looped behind him, slapping a disk like device to his back. She hovered in the air, her three personal camera spheres positioned behind her, capturing every moment of the action. Sonic Boom turned to face her, also hovering in the air, his shoulder mounted cannon aimed at her.

"Game over," came his voice, sounding robotic as it was filtered though the helmet's loudspeaker.

"Indeed," she agreed, holding up a small grey box, and pressing a red button. Suddenly, Sonic Boom's armor sparked and sputtered, his boot jets cutting out as his armor's power systems shut down. He seemed to levitate in the air for the briefest of moments before plummeting to the sea.

Back when Charles had mistakenly thought she wanted to "sneak into" New York's historical museum, he had invented a device that would emit an EMP pulse designed to disrupt and shut down power systems as a way to crash the cameras and security devices. She had no need for it then, but held onto it afterward, and was glad she had. One more crisis averted, one more victory under her belt.

White Rabbit returned to the cruise ship, which was now devoid of patrons and completely overrun with her henchmen. Charles greeted her as she set foot on the ship.

"That was a close one! Is everything alright?"

White Rabbit stood on the bow of the Wonderland cruise ship and gazed out at the sun setting on the horizon of the deep blue sea. "Yes Charles, I believe everything _is_ alright, and why wouldn't it be? I _am_ a pirate, after all."

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**Next Issue: **_White Rabbit: Wanted! In... New Jersey? Also, Charles goes digging too deep in the wrong rabbit hole, __**and**__ take a small peek into his personal life on his day off._

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The Rabbit Hole:

_White Rabbit here, once again digging into the mailbag. Lets see here, this time we have a nice little note from Meriades Rai. Let me see what we have here.. I'll just look at a little excerpt of the overall note.. _

**The style of Alex's opening story sticks very closely to the DeMatteis mould, what with references to past battles and relationships (Frog-Man and Kwikkee Burger, the Tinkerer, etc) and the introduction of a new character who fits seamlessly into the WR mythos, Crimson Cat. Sara is lovely, very well observed on the writer's part, and I look forward to watching her continued development. Hopefully she's around for the long haul. There's also a nice, subtle reference to DC's Harley Quinn ("I'm not some crazed harlequin!"), which again shows Alex's impeccable understanding of how he's pitching this whole set-up; there's a air of animated shows like Batman and Brave & The Bold to all this that's like a breath of fresh air.**

_I have to admit, in recent years people keep making harlequin references when I'm around and for the life of me, I just don't know why! So you like the Crimson Cat, do you? That has me questioning your taste and doubting your credibility my friend! If she was smart she would retire or at least do everything in her power to never cross my path again. Alas, we know the hero type, don't we? She's bound to stick around as the proverbial "thorn in the side" I think. _

_Also, I've been working hard to have a musical accounting of one of my adventures, but so far no luck on that front. I think I would be great fun!_

_Until next time, happy hopping!_


	6. If You Drink From a Bottle Marked Poison

**White Rabbit #6**

"If you drink much from a bottle marked `poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later."

_by Alexander Ritter_

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><p>It was an odd request. Walking onto the roof of a New York apartment complex, Eugene Patilo wondered if it was part of an elaborate prank. Eugene was the sometime superhero known as Frog-Man. He was here at the request of his ESU classmate, Sara Sanderson, also known as the crime fighting Crimson Cat. Why would she want to meet him here?<p>

"Youch!"

Eugene cried out in pain as he was struck on the side of his head, the blow knocking him down. He looked up, the glaring sun blocked out by the form of Sara Sanderson. She looked down at him, shaking her head. "What are you doing?"

"What am _I_ doing?" repeated Eugene, "What are _you_ doing? You just kicked me in the _head_!"

"I called you here so we could do a little sparring."

"Why would we do that?"

Sara sighed. "We're superheroes. We have to stay in shape, stay in fighting form. You _do _train on your own, don't you?"

Eugene looked down at his rounded belly, then at the box of donuts he brought with him. "Well..."

Sara helped Eugene stand up. "I'm a world class acrobat. I've trained in Tae Kwon Do _and_ Judo. Do you at least know _any_ kind of martial arts?"

Eugene shrugged. "I'm more of what you'd call a 'freestyle' fighter."

"Right. You just aimlessly bounce around until you accidentally knock out the bad guy."

"Hey, I had an undefeated record with that technique until last week!"

"That's going to get you killed. You need to take care of your body, at least be in good physical condition. I'd recommend looking into a karate class too, so you at least have something to fall back on."

"I guess I can look into it."

Sara smiled and playfully kicked at Eugene. "That's more like it. We have to be at our best when we go capture White Rabbit. She's a complete lunatic, did you see her last video? She stole a cruise ship! Who does that? I mean, where do you even _hide_ a cruise ship anyway?!"

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><p>"You have your own island?"<p>

White Rabbit smiled and nodded at her companion, Charles Liddell, as the recently stolen "Wonderland" cruise ship sailed into a grotto on the island.

"How in the hell do you have your own island off the coast of England?"

"My late husband bought it for me."

"Wow, he must've really loved you. An entire island? This is amazing."

"He didn't love me," said White Rabbit, as her eyes darkened and her mood changed. "He was a horrible, dirty, old man, and this shall be the last time he is mentioned."

Charles put his hands up. "Oookay. Sorry I brought it up," he apologized, as he reached under the control panel to grab his laptop. He was glad to be back on solid ground. After stealing the cruise ship, they had spent several days sailing to the island. "So listen, now that we're back on dry land, I really needed to talk to you about this gu.." Charles looked around and sighed, as White Rabbit happily skipped down a pathway deeper into the cavern. He jumped off the boat and followed her.

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><p>Eugene and Sara climbed down the stairs of the apartment building. Eugene used a towel to wipe away the massive amount of sweat he worked up while training. He prayed his heart didn't explode.<p>

"You don't have a frog-ship?"

"No."

"No Frogmobile?"

"Nope."

"Not even a Frog-Scooter?! Even _I_ have a Cat-Scooter."

"Never needed one," explained Eugene, between gasps of air. How did he let himself get this out of shape? "I just hop place to place, you know, since that's my superpower."

"I guess we'll both have to ride my scooter, since that's all we've got."

"What are we doing, going on patrol?"

"Not exactly," began Sara. "We're going to do whatever it takes to bring down White Rabbit. In her cruise ship video, she was fighting Sonic Boom. He's a local hero, usually spotted in Brooklyn. So why was _he_ fighting her in the middle of the Ocean? I got my hands on a copy of the passenger manifest. Only three passengers from New York, and only one of those from Brooklyn."

Eugene's eyes went wide. "You figured out his secret identity _that_ easy? Just like mine? You're like, the worlds greatest detective! I would've _never_ thought of something like that."

"Come on, we're going to go pay him a visit."

"What for?"

"White Rabbit escaped me, almost killed you, and got the best of him too. If we all work together, I think we can get her off the streets and off the internet. Send her to The Raft where she belongs."

"I don't know.. I'll have to ask my dad if it's alright first."

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><p>"Would you wait for a second?" Charles was out of breath as he chased White Rabbit through the European Rabbit Hole, finding the irony to be quite comical.<p>

"But, Charles, it's time for tea!" she exclaimed, sitting down at a long wooden table where tea and biscuits are waiting. "Can you believe there was no tea on that cruise ship? How can you name it 'Wonderland' but not have tea? Preposterous!"

"Can you forget about tea for a second, this is important.."

White Rabbit pouted with a wounded expression. "But.. tea _is_ important."

"Ok, yes, tea is important," relented Charles. "I'm sorry. While we're enjoying tea, I need to show you this video."

"I already approved the final cut for the Sonic Boom video. You uploaded it, right?"

"Yes, I did. This is a different matter entirely. There is this guy down in New Jersey that wants to fight you. Calls himself "Max Overdrive", and he's been posting video responses on all our videos.

"I wonder why this Max fellow would be so foolish as to challenge me? Death wish, perhaps?"

"Isn't that the fifty-thousand dollar question."

"Excuse me?"

"I think we have a bigger problem than we anticipated, we've created a monster." Charles spun his laptop around to show White Rabbit a "wanted" picture, offering a $50,000 reward for anyone who could capture her.

"How exciting! I've never been a wanted criminal before, only an unwanted one!"

Charles rolled his eyes. "Well, that's the problem. It's bad enough running into Crimson Cat and Sonic Boom by chance. Now we're going to have people _looking_ for us!"

"The price of fame. Any day now, the Avengers will be knocking down the door looking for us. Prepare the jet, we need to return to New York so I can prepare to face this so called "Max Overdrive."

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><p>"No. Absolutely not."<p>

"But Daaad!"

"Don't 'daaad' me! The last time you put on that suit, you almost got yourself killed!"

Eugene had returned to his dad's house, seeking permission to use the Frog-Man suit. So far, he wasn't having any luck.

"That's what I've been warning you about the whole time!" continued Vincent Patilio, Eugene's father. "There's no way you're putting on the Frog-Man suit again."

"Dad, Crimson Cat is putting together a team to take down the White Rabbit. Ms. Cat offered me a spot on her team, and I want to help."

"The White Rabbit is dangerous," offered Crimson Cat. "She needs to be taken off the streets! I can't do this alone."

"I couldn't agree more, but Frog-Man is not going to be a part of this scheme. Leap Frog is." Vincent had created the Leap Frog suit and had a short lived career as a failed criminal, and an even shorter career as a crime fighter.

"What?!" Eugene was shocked. "So its _not_ ok for me to be a hero, but it _is_ ok for you? Do as I say, not as I do?"

"Listen, Eugene, the old Frog-Man suit is just that: old. It hasn't been updated or calibrated in years! I've been messing around with the Leap Frog suit here and there."

"If you were so dead set against risking our lives as heroes, why were you still working on the suit?"

"Everyone has hobbies. Some people golf, some people collect stuff, some people build miniature railroads in their basement.. I'm an inventor. Tinkering around with the suit has been a hobby to keep me busy in my spare time."

"So you're really going to do this?" asked Eugene.

"Yes. You're going to sit your ass at home and watch on TV. I'm doing this _one time _only, then both the suits are retired for good. Understand?"

"Yeah! Geez!" Eugene threw himself onto the couch and folded his arms in anger. "You don't gotta keep on it, I get it!"

"Mr. Patilio," said Crimson Cat, "your son is one of the bravest, most selfless people I've ever met. He risked his own life to save the lives of others without a second thought. People like us, we have the abilities and the means to help people who can't help themselves. There is a certain responsibility that comes with that. I understand you want to protect Eugene, but that's exactly what he's trying to do to everyone else in the city."

Vince glanced from Crimson Cat to his son and back again.

"Please Mr. Patilio, we can all do this together."

Vince stood silent for several moments before giving a response. "Fine. If I didn't agree to this, you'd just find a way around it anyway. At least this way I can keep any eye on you and make sure you don't get yourself killed."

"Waaaahoooo!" Eugene leapt into the air and high-fived Crimson Cat, before turning to see the stern look on his father's face. "Uh, thanks Dad."

Vince grabbed his son and pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm proud of you son. Your mother would be proud of you too."

"Ah geez, come on dad, not in front of the Cat!"

* * *

><p><strong>The Next Day<strong>

**New York**

**The Rabbit Hole**

"You know this is a bad idea, right?" asked Charles.

"You say that _every _time. I _must _defend my honor!" explained White Rabbit. "He challenged me for the whole world to see. If I don't meet him in battle, I'll look like a coward. I have a reputation to uphold! One I've recently gained, never had before, and don't wish to lose."

"I still think it's a bad idea."

"Well then, it's a good thing you'll be sitting this one out."

"Yeah, it's a good thing I'll be.. wait. What?"

"I'm giving you the day off," explained White Rabbit. "You wanted to test the camera's auto pilot function anyway, yes?" She looked over at an assembled group of henchmen, motioning toward one. "You there, young lady. What's your name?"

The girl looked around, then pointed at herself. White Rabbit nodded.

"My name is Jasmine," stammered the girl.

White Rabbit smiled approvingly. "Excellent. Jasmine will accompany me to New Jersey. Charles, enjoy your day off."

* * *

><p>"Hey listen, I'm sorry my dad is such a hard ass."<p>

Sara and Eugene walked up the driveway toward the house owned by the person they suspected to be Sonic Boom. Vince had driven them, and was waiting in the car.

"It's fine," assured Sara. "He's just worried about you, I get it."

As the pair arrived at the front door, Eugene reached to knock, but before his hand made contact with the door, it opened. Eugene looked down the barrel of a shotgun.

"It's a little late to be selling girl scout cookies," said the grizzled old man who sat in the wheelchair, holding the shotgun. "So you kids got to the count of ten to get the hell off my lawn."

"Well, we're not really on your lawn, we're on your porch.." explained Sara. Eugene elbowed her in the ribs.

The man pumped the shotgun. "One."

"Hey listen, we don't want any trouble," said Eugene, raising his hands in the air.

"Two."

"Mr. McClain, does the name 'White Rabbit' mean anything to you?"

The man lowered the shotgun and looked at Sara. "What did you just say?"

"How about 'Sonic Boom', does that ring any bells?" continued Sara. Duke McClain was shocked. How did these kids know?

"What do you want?" he demanded.

"Can we just come in and talk?" asked Sara. "We're all on the same side, and we're going to need all the help we can get."

* * *

><p>White Rabbit groaned and slid down in the passenger seat of her semi truck. When Max Overdrive claimed to be from New Jersey, that wasn't entirely true. Her quest lead her to a small down just outside New Jersey. As Jasmine drove down the small town streets, White Rabbit became more and more dejected.<p>

"So when do I get a cool costume and code name?" asked Jasmine, gleefully. "I was thinking maybe I could be Dormouse, or Mad Hatter! There's no rule saying a girl can't be Mad Hatter, right?"

White Rabbit ignored Jasmine's eager ramblings and reviewed the videos from Max Overdrive. He was just a high school kid, with short brown hair, wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket. He had a cheaply made t-shirt with a styled "M" on the front. Max made a lot of hefty claims, including dropping the crime rate in his city to zero, and the fact he was destined to be the next superhero superstar on par with Wonder Man.

White Rabbit put her hands on the passenger side window and peered out at the town. She reasoned that the crime rate wasn't zero due to Max Overdrive cleaning up the city, but rather there weren't any crimes worth committing. "White Rabbit, I DARE you to commit a crime in MY city and get away with it!" he bellowed in one video. White Rabbit shut off the laptop in disgust.

"I think this is going to end up being a fruitless endeavor," decided White Rabbit. "There's no crime worth my time!"

"We haven't looked on the east side of the city yet," offered Jasmine, hopefully. "Oh look, a Kwikkee Burger! I love Kwikkee Meals. Lets get something to eat, I could really go for a double cheese burger."

White Rabbit glanced out the window and her eyes widened with delight. "Oh my!"

This particular Kwikkee Burger had a "play place" for kids. There was a Merry-Go-Round shaped like a teacup, and a lot the playground equipment was mushroom themed. It was an Alice in Wonderland playground.

White Rabbit pointed toward the playground. "I need that wonderfully whimsical playground paraphernalia! Pull the truck around, I think I found a caper worth my effort after all.

* * *

><p>Charles entered his apartment, locking the door behind him. He tossed his gym bag on the floor, and his March Hare costume on the bed. His girlfriend, Mary Patterson, looked up from her spot on the couch. She had been reading a book until Charles arrived.<p>

"You're home early, honey. Did you get fired?"

Charles laughed and kissed Mary. "Nah, I got the day off." He sat down at the computer and started an internet search for "White Rabbit" plus "criminal".

Mary frowned. "Bringing your work home with you? Since you're home for a change, I was hoping we could spend some time together."

"I'll be done in a minute. It's easier for me to do this when she's _not_ looking over my shoulder." Charles raised his eyebrows. "Well, this is interesting. The FBI and S.H.E.I.L.D. website's now have entries for White Rabbit. I couldn't find any of this information before."

Mary stood up and walked over to the computer. "Bank robbery, armed robbery, malicious destruction, attempted murder. Five foot seven, one hundred thirty pounds, blue eyes, real name: Lorina Dodson. Widowed.."

"Lorina.." mumbled Charles, as she started scribbling down notes. "This is going to make other internet searches a lot easier."

"I can see you're going to be busy with this for more than a minute," said Mary, as she picked up the March Hare costume. "While you're doing that, I'm going to sew some Kevlar into this deathtrap of a costume."

* * *

><p>Dale was on headset at the drive up window in the Kwikkee Burger. A beep sounded in his headgear, signaling someone was at the order window.<p>

"Welcome to Kwikkee Burger, home of the Mega Bacon Triple Cheeseburger. Can I take your order?" Suddenly, the whole building shook. Dale had to grab onto the countertop to keep from falling. He glanced out the window and was stunned by what he saw.

Towering over the Kwikkee Burger was a forty foot tall robot that looked like a bipedal rabbit. It was right out of the Japanese cartoons Dale watched as a kid, where dueling battlemechs battled for twenty two minutes every Saturday morning. Then he noticed the shoulder mounted missile launchers.

Dale took off his headset and nametag, placing them on the counter before walking out. "I don't get paid enough for this!"

From the cockpit of the robot, White Rabbit deftly maneuvered the machine to the playground. Parents grabbed their children and ran away in terror. The huge robot picked up a piece of playground equipment and placed it in the semi truck. "This'll be quick and easy, and not hide nor hair to be seen of New Jersey's so called 'major league' hero!"

* * *

><p>Max Oliver, otherwise known by his superhero persona "Max Overdrive", checked the internet from his smartphone. There was still no response from the Rabbit Hole website in regards to his videos. Max shut off his phone and dropped it in his pocket, cursing to himself.<p>

Nothing ever happened in this town, there was no way for Max to make a name for himself. Bringing in the White Rabbit was his ticket to the big leagues. Her internet shenanigans were insanely popular, she "trended" worldwide on a regular basis. If he could bring her down, surely the Avengers would take notice, or hell maybe at least the Defenders. He'd take whatever he could get.

Max wasn't a superhero because he wanted to help people or save the world. His reasons were less selfless, he wanted to make money and become famous, to be the next Wonder Man. Max was already a good actor, he put on a show every time he used his superpowers.

Being a mutant was something Max kept well hidden. His mutant power was the ability to perform an adrenaline dump at will. His mutant "super adrenaline" gave him a short burst of greatly increased speed, strength, and pain resistance, roughly ten times that of a normal human. He even come up with the marketable term of "going into overdrive!".

To hide the fact he was a mutant, Max wore a high-tech looking watch. He claimed his powers were activated by the device. People were more accepting of heroes who gained their powers through scientific means, intentional or accidental, as opposed to mutants. Plus, it was another marketable concept, he'd be able to sell toy replicas by the truckload.

As Max walked home from his high school, he passed a local electronics store. A large crowd of people were gathered at the front of the store, enthralled by the news that had broken into every bit of local programming. Max took one look at the footage, a large robotic rabbit terrorizing the local Kwikkee Burger, and saw nothing but dollar signs. Max pressed the button on his watch, just in case anyone was watching, and sprinted off a superspeed.

* * *

><p>White Rabbit finished loading the playground equipment into the semi, as Max Overdrive appeared in the middle of the street. She smiled as a targeting array appeared on the control screen, locking onto Max. Squeezing the trigger on the control stick unleashed a hail of bullets from the shoulder mounted Gatling guns. Max easily dodged the oncoming onslaught.<p>

"Impossible!" exclaimed the White Rabbit, slamming her fist down on the control console. She accidentally jammed down the large red button that launched a pair of carrot shaped ballistic missiles. Max leapfrogged over as they destroyed a sporting goods store.

As the mech started walking toward Max, he could feel himself getting dizzy and exhausted. His adrenaline rush was subsiding. He willed himself to dump more supercharged adrenaline into his system. He'd never tried boosting twice in a day, let alone twice in an hour. Then again, he never _needed _to when the biggest threat he faced were drunk and disorderly citizens.

Max was barley able to dodge as the mech attempted to swat at him. Each wild swing and misplaced step seemed to destroy another building. At this rate, the whole city would be annihilated in a matter of minutes. Max leapt into the air and landed on the mech's windshield. White Rabbit franticly jerked the controls, trying to shake Max off. He held on tight, but she grabbed him with a giant mechanical hand and tossed him down the street, knocking over a lamppost.

Max noticed the floating cameras buzzing around above him, capturing every moment of the action. Max smirked and brushed back his hair. "Smile for the camera," he told himself. "This is your breakout moment!"

Max grasped the lamppost and hefted it over his head. He tossed it like a javelin, impaling the mech through the torso. Sparks erupted from the robot as different sections burst into the flame. Several systems failed and shut down. The mech slumped over and crashed to the ground. Max grinned and ripped out the windshield, then yanked White Rabbit out and held her up.

"I told you!" he announced, triumphantly. "You were a fluke! Me? I'm the real deal, and thanks to you, the whole world is going to see me.. see.. I d.."

Max's vision started to blur as he felt lightheaded. He dropped White Rabbit and staggered backward. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as he passed out.

White Rabbit looked from side to side and then straightened her jacket and brushed off her boots before climbing into the passenger side of the semi truck.

"What just happened?" asked Jasmine.

"What happened? I won again, that's what happened."

"Yeah, but he just fe.."

"I won," she repeated, coldly. "That's all that matters. Now drive. I want to get back to the Rabbit Hole and enjoy the spoils of war!"

Jasmine pressed down on the accelerator and drove away, leaving Max's body as an afterthought in the rearview mirror.

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue One<strong>:

"Faster! Higher!"

It had taken two days, but White Rabbit had found the perfect spot for her new Wonderland themed playground, in the caverns of the Rabbit Hole. She even converted the cavern to look like a park, complete with a pond and white rose bushes.

Meanwhile, Charles was hard at work with his latest assigned task. While Jasmine and White Rabbit were have great fun, swinging on the swing set, he was sitting in the dirt, dressed in his March Hare costume, painting the roses red.

"It would've been easier to plant red roses in the first place," he grumbled. "Then again, that's exactly why she didn't.."

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue Two<strong>:

"So what's the news, doc? Am I good to go, or what?"

Max had spent two days in the hospital, but felt fine now. He wanted nothing more than to get unhooked from all the machines and get back in the game.

"Your vitals have stabilized now, there's no reason for me to force you to stay any longer," explained the doctor. "But I want you to be careful. When we brought you in, you were severely dehydrated. Your calcium and magnesium levels dropped so low, you could've died. I don't know how 'super powers' work, but I can say it appears that your 'power' causes your body to burn up it's own energy reserves to fuel your increased physical output. What's that quote you say? When you go into overdrive, you are more than a man?"

"Nah doc, you got it wrong. It's: 'I'm ten times the man'. I have a pending copyright on that, by the way."

"Be that as it may, I believe your body is burring up ten times the energy. The harder you push yourself, the faster your body deteriorates. Push yourself too hard and you're going to die, not because of a criminal or 'super villain', but because your body can't sustain itself in that state."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll just drink some extra Gatorade the next time I'm stopping a world conquering despot. Now, can I get out of here, or what?"

The doctor filled out some papers and left them on the end table near Max's bed. Max checked his cell phone, and found he had several links on his twitter feed, directing him to the Rabbit Hole website.

Max sighed and clicked on the link. "This should be good."

The featured video was a heavily edited account of White Rabbit's visit to town. Prominently shown were White Rabbit stealing the playground equipment, White Rabbit launching artillery from her battlesuit, and the money shot of Max passing out. Conveniently missing, was every second of footage where Max was getting the best of White Rabbit. He closed his eyes and laid back on the bed.

"Man, that bitch sure has a good publicist. They made me look like a complete tool."

Max felt a light breeze blow through the room.

"You'd think they'd keep the windows closed. It's not like you'd want someone who's already hospitalized to catch a cold or something. Morons."

Max stood up to close the window, but was shocked to see he was no longer alone in the room. Standing at the foot of his bed was a girl in a skintight red bodysuit with goggles and cat ears, a man in a high-tech suit of armor, and.. two giant frogmen?

"Oh, I get it," said Max. "This is the part of the movie where I'm still in a coma, _then_ I wake up and everything is normal."

"Max Overdrive?" asked the girl in the cat themed catsuit.

"The one and only."

She extended her hand toward Max. "We're here to offer you a chance for redemption."

* * *

><p><strong>Next Issue: <strong>_"A day in the life of..." Come see what White Rabbit, Crimson Cat, Frog-Man, and the rest of the cast do in their down time. And an "A-List" hero shows up! Spider something or other? See you next time!_

* * *

><p><strong>Down the Rabbit Hole<strong>

_White Rabbit here again. Charles just dropped off another pile of mail from my adoring fans. Lets see what we have this time. Ah ha, another letter from Meriades Rai._

Great to see more Crimson Cat, and, I swear, I *will* engineer things so that one of the characters in my titles buys her a CatCopter, because yes indeed it would be very cool. Great to see the continued use of YouTube and whatnot and to hear that Lorna is becoming a deserved internet sensation.

_What? Yes, I am the one who is an internet sensation. I'm the star, but yet again I hear about "Crimson Cat this" and "Crimson Cat that." I swear to you, CatCopter or not, the next time I see her I'm going to kill her so the focus comes back to me, where it belongs!_

_Until next time, happy hopping!_


End file.
